You Got to Have Friends

Life seems like a test sometimes.

Let’s put aside religion and philosophy for a moment; let’s table the heavy stuff and only think about this existence.

I know. It’s a simplification of sorts – only thinking about our time on this big, blue and green marble for a minute, and not considering what comes next. For now, let’s only explore this moment. This 70-to-100-year instance.

Life. It’s pretty damn hard.

It was good when I was young, and I know that in itself was a gift. While other people elsewhere were dealing with abuse and loss and genocide in the world all over, I was worried about Laffy Taffy. That was what I wanted at the swim club, and it was an outright heartbreak when my mom wouldn’t give me any money to buy candy at the pool snack shack.

My childhood was good.

But age has a way of a revealing depth and perspective. I got my first taste of reality in my 20s; I learned that hard times come and, while we may sometimes rely on the support of loved ones, it’s with our own volition that we discover how to survive the hard times.

All these years later, not much has changed.

I have loved ones who have buried children, severed ties with dear relations. Friends who have tragically lost partners and those who have weathered shocking and very public heartbreaks. I’ve seen relationships end and people fall at the mercy of public and social scrutiny.

We’re all the same, really.

Each of us is trying to get by with what we have. Each of us is trying to find some meaning to this existence and a few people with whom we can share the journey.

Like I said. Life is pretty damn hard.

When these hardships happen – when we suffer trials and tribulations, moments of self doubt and moments of bitter challenge – it is a blessing and a curse of reveal. People unveil who they really are. Friends display their truest selves in the hardest moments. Acquaintances forsake a long connection. But others join us to walk along and offer love and encouragement.

It’s unfortunate that we have the opportunity to discover our relations’ truest selves when we fall on hard times. The phone calls that aren’t accepted. The invitations that are never extended. The parties that intend to exclude.

It’s easy to forget the rough stuff.

During our best of times, it’s simple to ignore life’s hardest challenges. We grow complacent and comfortable with being, and we avoid murky entanglements that would force us to feel, sticky encounters that would require depth.

Job loss. Divorce. Grief. Failure. There are so many reasons why the living wounded walk among us. And yet, during life’s high times, we all seem to forget we’re sharing a collective experience.

As a PR professional, I know moments of crisis are not an if, but a when.

And it’s in those darkest personal moments, the hardest times of challenge, when we discover our truest friends.

Friends are the ones who stand by us, include us, love us and accept us.

It’s easy to cast judgment. It’s easy to draw lines in the sand and separate ourselves from challenge or drama or complication.

It’s hard to be loyal.

It’s hard to be a friend.

But it is sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone.

Try as we might, we cannot survive this experience, this life, without others. No matter how strong we may be, we each need some support or camaraderie.

We each need a friend. Maybe a few of ’em.

I’m so grateful for mine.

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